I WAS A CHUBBY KID who wore husky sizes and didn’t take my shirt off at the pool or the beach. I had good friends and a family that supported me, but when I looked at what a man was supposed to look like, especially a gay man, I did not see myself reflected at all. I could never picture myself with six pack abs. During college I became vegan, I lost some weight and was really health focused. I went from 230 to 180 pounds so I was skinny and tall, but I was trying to fit the mold of a “perfect” body. Then I really focused on working out more when I moved to New York. I was programmed to want to look better.
Then COVID hit and everyone was doing home workouts, I thought, “The world is ending. I’m going to eat ice cream.” It was an interesting shift for me. After the world opened up, I was on the beach and someone said, “I love your belly.” I was taken aback because it was the first time I heard that. I had to relearn how to be confident in my new body that was getting a positive reaction. I’m a husky guy that is occupying a larger body that’s not quote-unquote “perfect” and I’m somehow getting more love and more affirmation. It was a surprise, but at the same time, I’m attracted to other bodies that aren’t gym perfect. For some reason it’s harder to put that mindset on yourself.
The one good thing about having our world stop abruptly was that it let me reassess how I relate to fitness and my body. My middle ground is being happy where I am. I live an active lifestyle and I go to the gym when I feel like it because it makes me feel good, but I don’t punish myself for not going.
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The body hair ambassador thing started as a joke. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I stopped shaving my back hair. I was sick of the maintenance and I thought if someone liked my chest hair, they probably wouldn’t care if I had hair on my back or my shoulders. Who was I doing it for? Not for me! I think it’s tied to shaming—you have to examine beauty standards. Why is the hair on my chest sexy but the hair on my back not sexy? That makes no sense. So I made up the body hair ambassador thing to promote all forms of body hair like chest hair, back hair, shoulder hair, unibrows, shoulders, whatever.
Social media has given us access to diverse people and diverse bodies. I’ve been lucky that I’ve received enough validation to last a lifetime, but what has helped me most is people messaging me saying things like “I’ve always been ashamed of my back hair and following you has made me feel better about it.” I know exactly how they feel and I get to have a real conversation with them about the journey to loving yourself.
Validation can light the fire, but you have to keep the flames going. You’re not always going to feel good, but you have to change the narrative with your own thoughts before you can show up with confidence. I’ve had people tell me I’m fat, too, but it’s funny because it’s the same insults I heard at a young age, but the negativity doesn’t relate for me now. I’m advocating for just loving you and letting people take it or leave it.” —as told to Garrett Munce
This story appears in the October 2022 issue of Men's Health.
Garrett Munce writes about men's style and grooming. He's written for Esquire, New York Magazine, Spotlyte, and Very Good Light and held staff positions at GQ and W. Follow his skincare obsession on Instagram at @garrettmunce.
